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  1. Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"?
  2. Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
  3. Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto?
  4. Why is the alphabet in that order?
  5. Is it because of that song?
  6. Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?
  7. Don't you have to get up to get to the tape?
  8. Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
  9. Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
  10. Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?
  11. Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
  12. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
  13. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
  14. You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
  15. Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
  16. After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
  17. You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
  18. Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?
  19. Have ex-bankers become disinterested?
  20. Have ex-civil lawyers been distorted?
  21. Have ex-locomotive engineers been derailed?
  22. Have ex-mathematicians become dysfunctional?
  23. Have ex-punsters been expunged?
  24. What Happens When Pinochio says: "my nose will grow now" ????? -Added by Fazer
  25. Why doesn't McDonald's sell hotdogs?
  26. Are eyebrows considered facial hair?
  27. At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?
  28. If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?
  29. Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
  30. Why are there no 'B' batteries?
  31. If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his iPod?
  32. If man evolved from monkeys, how come we still have monkeys?
  33. How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
  34. When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?
  35. If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
  36. If you are bald, what hair color do they put on your driver's license?
  37. If God sneezes, what should you say?
  38. Is it still illegal to park next to a fire hydrant, even if your car is on fire?
  39. If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?
  40. If a baby's leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn't come out until 12:01, which day was he born on?
  41. Do Jewish vampires still avoid crosses?
  42. If a mime is arrested, do they tell him he has a right to talk?
  43. In the song Yankee Doodle, is he calling the horse or the feather "macaroni"?
  44. Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?
  45. If vampires can't see their reflections, why is their hair always so neat?
  46. Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
  47. Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?
  48. Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?
  49. Can you daydream at night?
  50. Why do they call the little candy bars "fun sizes". Wouldn't it be more fun to eat a big one?
  51. What is Satan's last name?
  52. What is a picture of a thousand words worth?
  53. Why does quicksand work slowly?
  54. Can crop circles be square?
  55. If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?
  56. Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as your following the direction of the traffic?
  57. Why doesn't the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?
  58. When Atheists go to court, do they have to swear on the bible?
  59. Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?
  60. Can animals commit suicide?
  61. Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
  62. Why do people think that swaying their arm back and forth would change the direction of a bowling ball?
  63. What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
  64. If glassblowers inhale do they get a pane in the stomach?
  65. Is it rude for a deaf person to talk (sign) with their mouth full of food?
  66. If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?
  67. How can something be "new" and "improved"? if it's new, what was it improving on?
  68. Why do they sterilize lethal injections?
  69. Why aren't drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home?
  70. Is a pessimist's blood type B-negative?
  71. Why is it that when we "skate on thin ice", we can "get in hot water"?
  72. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
  73. Why are the little styrofoam pieces called peanuts?
  74. If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?
  75. Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don't taste or smell anything like it.?
  76. Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
  77. Do Siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?
  78. Why are they called 'Jolly Ranchers'? Who said that the ranchers were jolly?
  79. Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
  80. Can a short person "talk down" to a taller person?
  81. If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet?
  82. If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, why does it not go bad inside the cow?
  83. What's the difference between normal ketchup and fancy ketchup?
  84. After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
  85. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
  86. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
  87. Why do irons have a setting for permanent press?
  88. How can you tell when sour cream goes bad?
  89. How much sin can I get away with and still go to heaven?
  90. How young can you die of old age?
  91. Can you be arrested for selling illegal-sized paper?
  92. If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
  93. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
  94. If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?
  95. If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
  96. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
  97. If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?
  98. If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
  99. If you're born again, do you have two belly buttons?
  100. What if there were no hypothetical situations?
  101. Where would we be without rhetorical questions?
  102. Will your answer to this question be no?
  103. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why are there still monkeys and apes?
  104. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
  105. Is there another word for synonym?
  106. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
  107. Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?
  108. If you choke a Smurf, what color will it turn?
  109. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
  110. If vampires have no reflection, how come they have such neat hair?
  111. If swimming's such good exercise, how come whales are so fat?
  112. If you throw a kitten out of a moving car, would it be considered kitty litter?
  113. How do Keep Off The Grass signs get there?
  114. Do we make bombs better or worse?
  115. Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?
  116. If a person told you they were a pathological liar, would you believe them?
  117. Can you learn to read from a "Reading for Dummies" book?
  118. If someone gives you a penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, where does the other penny go? Do you get change?
  119. If pro is the opposite of con, and progress is moving forward, what is congress?
  120. Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
  121. Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
  122. Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
  123. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
  124. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
  125. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
  126. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
  127. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?  
  128. Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
  129. Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
  130. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
  131. Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
  132. Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?
  133. If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight?
  134. Why is it that raindrops, but snowfalls?
  135. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconuts, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
  136. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
  137. Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed," when afterward, it doesn't work anymore?
  138. If a drug store is open 24 hours, why are there locks on the doors?
  139. If you make a cow laugh, will milk come out its nose?
  140. Why can't Mr. Fork and Mr. Electrical Socket be friends?
  141. Who was the first to see a cow and think "I wonder what will happen if i squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?"
  142. If a schizophrenic threatens suicide, is it declared a hostage situation?
  143. Why was the Holy Roman Empire neither holy nor Roman?
  144. If a tree falls on a mime in the woods, and there's no one there to hear it, does the mime make a sound?
  145. What is the speed of darkness?
  146. If a man washes a dish, and no woman is around to see it, did it happen?
  147. Why doesn't onomatopoeia sound like what it is?
  148. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
  149. Do three headed fire dragons have heated arguments with themselves?
  150. Why exactly is there a snow-globe with summer scenes?
  151. What do picket sign writers put on their signs when they go on strike?
  152. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do they all have to drown?
  153. Why is minimalism such a big word?
  154. If buttered bread always lands on the butter-side down and a cat always lands on its feet, what happens if you strap buttered bread to a cat's back?
  155. What'd happen if the man took the advimil and the woman took the viagra?
  156. Why do ballerinas stand on their toes? Can't they just get taller women?
  157. Do fish get thirsty?
  158. If you learn from mistakes, why aren't I a genius?
  159. Why don't people on TV ever go to the bathroom?
  160. How do blind people know when they are done wiping?
  161. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
  162. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?
  163. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
  164. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
  165. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
  166. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
  167. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
  168. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
  169. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
  170. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
  171. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
  172. Why do banks leave both doors open, yet they chain pens to the countertops?
  173. Why do people order a double cheeseburger, large fries, and a diet soda?
  174. Why is there Braille on drive-through ATM machines?
  175. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol?
  176. Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected the expected?
  177. If a building is on fire, and you make more fire, would it be considered making the fire worse or better?
  178. Why are there five syllables in the word "monosyllabic"
  179. How is it that "Fat Chance" and "Slim Chance" mean the same thing?
  180. Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
  181. Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
  182. Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
  183. Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
  184. Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
  185. Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
  186. Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
  187. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
  188. If 7-11 is open 24-hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
  189. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
  190. If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
  191. If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
  192. If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
  193. You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
  194. Why do they put braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM.?
  195. Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
  196. Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called a cargo?
  197. You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
  198. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
  199. Why are hot dogs sold in packages of six, but hot dog buns in packages of ten?
  200. Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
  201. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
  202. Why is it that rain drops and snow falls?
  203. Why isn't there a mouse-flavored cat food?
  204. Is there a pie with no flavors?
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